From TikTok: Helping People Calling In Their People

Calling In Loved Ones Who Are Doing Harm I have talked a lot about this over the years and I will continue to. Most of the harm people do stems from lack of skill, emotional pain, or from lack of information or perspective. Over the Trump years, nascent splits in families became what felt like unbridgeable divides. And there are a lot of people in the world grieving those they love. Grieving those who are cheering on Trump and Q in racist and misogynist and homophobic and transphobic words and actions. So, “calling in” means to “find a mutual sense …

Why Is the “Rule of Law” Important to My Mental Health?

what is the rule of law and why does it matter?  The rule of law is: “a situation in which the laws of a country are obeyed by everyone The courts uphold the rule of law.” In a country that follows the rule of law, the laws and penalties are the same for everyone. Under that definition, there isn’t a country in the world that is entirely following the rule of law. A lot of countries, maybe even most, believe in it and work towards it, however, and that is important. When people are able to go around the law if they are rich …

Ousting the Secret-Teller: Why the Person Who Reports the Abuse Gets Banished

On how the secret-teller who reveals abuse gets pushed or urged out of a group, and how to protect yourself as this happens.  Ousting the Secret-Teller: Why the Person Who Reports the Abuse Gets Banished If you have been abused by a family member, a friend in your close friendship group, a leader or member in your religious group, or a boss or co-worker in a workplace, you have probably experienced the pain of attempting tell or warn others in the group about the behavior of your abuser, only to have the group ice you out, tell you confidently that …

What Happens When You’re Hotlined For Child Abuse?

What Happens When You’re Hotlined for Child Abuse? This article applies to the United States, as I don’t know the laws and procedures in other countries.  Hotlines for child abuse or neglect feel horrible and terrifying. I know this as a therapist and as a mother. My oldest son “failed to thrive” so his doctor hotlined a couple of times thinking I wasn’t feeding him. Further, his father thought it was great fun to hotline me every time we had a disagreement over parenting. Before long I knew the routine in my sleep. “Yes, come right in.” “Sure, look in …

WHAT Skills Core Mindfulness from DBT: Observe, Describe, Participate

From DBT: “What” Mindfulness Skills? This article includes information from DBT Skills Training Manual 2nd Edition pages 153-154 by Marsha Linehan, PhD. The “what” mindfulness skills are the three core mindfulness skills from DBT that help you with what to do when your mind is out of control. They help you to be skillful enough to be productive or to stop being destructive. Do You Mind? Tackling the Thing.

How the “Wellness” Industry Promotes Eating Disorders

I’m about to tell you a personal story about eating disorders I woke up this morning to this headline from the New York Times: “Smash the Wellness Industry: Why are so many smart women falling for its harmful, pseudoscientific claims?” , which discusses the author’s own struggle with eating disorders. Because the Times is behind a paywall, I’ll summarize. The author, a novelist named Jessica Knoll,  spent most of her adult life going on one diet after another, following the advice of dieticians,  doctors, and whatever fad of the week diet was being promoted. It wasn’t until she found a …

Microfiction: Enthusiastic Consent

In case you were wondering what “enthusiastic consent” looks like. What enthusiastic consent looks like: Ready? In a minute. Yet? Not quite. Yet? Yes! Like this? Or this? Both, and neither. Like this. Like this? Oh yes? And is this the way, or this? Oh, this. Oh, THIS! More? or Less? More! oh, oh. Oops. I meant less. My turn? Please? Of course. Mouth or hands? I like both. Mouth first, I think. Yes. Mmmmph? (Giggles) Yes. And back at you. Mmmmph! Mmmmph! Phew! A break? Sure. Cuddle? Sleep? Or something else. Ice cream. Ice cream? For eat or play? …