Microfiction: Enthusiastic Consent

In case you were wondering what “enthusiastic consent” looks like. What enthusiastic consent looks like: Ready? In a minute. Yet? Not quite. Yet? Yes! Like this? Or this? Both, and neither. Like this. Like this? Oh yes? And is this the way, or this? Oh, this. Oh, THIS! More? or Less? More! oh, oh. Oops. I meant less. My turn? Please? Of course. Mouth or hands? I like both. Mouth first, I think. Yes. Mmmmph? (Giggles) Yes. And back at you. Mmmmph! Mmmmph! Phew! A break? Sure. Cuddle? Sleep? Or something else. Ice cream. Ice cream? For eat or play? …

On Boundaries: Scripts for Setting Your Material Boundaries

Boundaries: Four Levels and Four Circumstances In the article I published earlier this week on physical boundaries, I went into great detail about the four levels (avoid, ask, tell, and demand) and four circumstances (public, work, and school, friends and family, and intimate relationships) in which we set boundaries. You can read that post here.  What Are Material Boundaries? Material boundaries are the boundaries you set when you invest in other people. Breaking that down a bit further, material boundaries are set when you decide whether or not to lend or give something to someone. The primary currencies involve time, …

Four By Four: Protecting Your Physical Boundaries

Four “Levels” of Boundary Setting Behavior: Today I’m going to be providing scripts for setting physical boundaries. Before I start, I’ll go over the four different levels of boundary setting behaviors, and four common sorts of social situations where people will be expected to set boundaries. This information will also be used when we talk about material, mental, and emotional boundaries. We all have to set boundaries in multiple places in our lives, and depending on our circumstances, we might set them in one of four ways:  Softest: Avoiding to set the boundary: Avoiding is when we set the boundary …

On Boundaries: 13 Ways Gaslighting Crosses Boundaries

What is Gaslighting? Gaslighting describes a set of behaviors by people and organizations that cause someone who interacts with them to question their own information, feelings, thoughts, and body sensations. It is usually part of a pattern of abuse. Gaslighting helps abusive people and organizations control their victims by causing them to question their own thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc. in a way that makes them feel “crazy”. The term comes from the 1944 movie Gaslight starring Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer. In the movie, Boyer’s character attempted to make Bergman’s character think she was “crazy” by turning the gas lights …

On Boundaries: No Is A Complete Sentence

An important safety note:  Be Cautious using the advice in “No is a complete sentence” in situations of domestic violence or other significantly unsafe situations. Always put your personal safety first.  No Is A Complete Sentence We are trained not to say no to others. Many of us are also trained not to take no for an answer. This can cause significant problems in our relationships as we leap over consent issues in our efforts to get to a yes. No is a complete sentence when you say it to someone else. It is also a complete sentence when someone …

Marry, Shag, Kill: A Relationship Metaphor

What is Marry, Shag, Kill, Anyhow? Known under several names, including “Marry, F*ck, Kill”, “Marry, Snog, Kill”, and “Marry, Kiss, Kill”, it is a game meant to rate the relative attractiveness and/or suitability of celebrities or fictional characters. Usually, one person will list three characters (say, Harry Potter, Hermione, and Ron Weasley). You would “force” choose which one you would “marry”, which you would “shag”, and which you would “kill” (or get rid of).