On Boundaries: Scripts for Setting Your Material Boundaries

Boundaries: Four Levels and Four Circumstances In the article I published earlier this week on physical boundaries, I went into great detail about the four levels (avoid, ask, tell, and demand) and four circumstances (public, work, and school, friends and family, and intimate relationships) in which we set boundaries. You can read that post here.  What Are Material Boundaries? Material boundaries are the boundaries you set when you invest in other people. Breaking that down a bit further, material boundaries are set when you decide whether or not to lend or give something to someone. The primary currencies involve time, …

On Boundaries: 13 Ways Gaslighting Crosses Boundaries

What is Gaslighting? Gaslighting describes a set of behaviors by people and organizations that cause someone who interacts with them to question their own information, feelings, thoughts, and body sensations. It is usually part of a pattern of abuse. Gaslighting helps abusive people and organizations control their victims by causing them to question their own thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc. in a way that makes them feel “crazy”. The term comes from the 1944 movie Gaslight starring Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer. In the movie, Boyer’s character attempted to make Bergman’s character think she was “crazy” by turning the gas lights …

On Boundaries: Defining Boundaries

Let’s Start By Defining Boundaries:  Prentis Hemphill defines boundaries like this: “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.”  Of all the definitions of interpersonal boundaries I’ve seen, I love this one best.  Wikipedia provides an expanded definition that covers much what I’m covering here. “Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave towards them and how they will respond when someone passes those limits”. I will add that boundaries work both ways. If we are defining boundaries that others …